REVIEW: The Forgotten Secret by Kathleen McGurl (ARC)

The Forgotten Secret by Kathleen McGurl

Genre: Historical Fiction, Women's Fiction

Read: 27th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

(release date: 1st March 2019)

★★★★ 4.5 stars

“You can research ancestry all you like, but how people actually felt and what they thought is lost in the mists of time.” 

THE FORGOTTEN SECRET is the first book I've read by Kathleen McGurl and it won't be my last. It is difficult to place this in just one genre as it has so many facets to it. It's a touch of women's fiction, a touch of mystery and a wonderfully historical!

I must say I LOVE dual timeline stories as it brings to life two stories into one. And this one is no different. Centreing around two different women from two different eras, it's beautiful, poignant and a little sad.

The story begins with Mary-Ellen O'Brien in 1919, at the height of the Irish war for independence. I know little of its history and to be honest it doesn't really interest me but it makes a fitting backdrop for Ellen's story. At 18 she has just begun her first job as an upstairs maid at Carlton House, known locally as "the big house". She works for Madame Carlton who is both friendly an sympathetic, and Ellen soon discovers she's an important figure in the fight for Ireland's independence. Ellen's childhood friend Jimmy Gallagher has also just returned from boarding school and together he and Ellen discover first love.

Amidst the sweet joyful moments of first love, however, is the war for Ireland's independence, and sadly for her, Jimmy has chosen to fight for the cause which lay close to his heart. Closer, it seems, than Ellen does. As I don't condone war in any shape or form I fail to see how the bloodshed of innocent people could bring peace and resolution to anyone. However, Jimmy feels fiercely about Ireland's independence and signs up to become a "volunteer". The only saving grace is that Madame Carlton is also a volunteer and often keeps Ellen updated, passing notes secretly between the two. 

But just when life seems to as sweet as ever, unforeseen circumstances hit sending Ellen off to the Merciful Sisters in Dublin. Though I know little of Ireland's history, I do know a little of the notorious Magdalene Laundries of the early to mid-20th century. Set up for "fallen women" the Magdalene laundries also took in girls who misbehaved or were homeless. Many had illegitimate children there, and often the children either died mysteriously and were buried in the grounds or secretly adopted unbeknownst to the mothers. Conditions were harsh and almost unlivable. How anyone could send their child there is beyond me!

Fast forward 90 years we meet Clare in 2016, married to a manipulative controlling husband for 25 years and with two beautiful grown sons. Clare finds herself with a newfound independence when she inherits a dilapidated cottage farmstead from an uncle in Ireland. With this and the money also bequeathed to her, Clare suddenly decides to leave her husband Paul when she had shown no "backbone" to stand up to him before. How she suddenly did after 25 years of conditioning under his manipulation and control, I've no idea. However, despite this I still found myself rooting for her and her independence. 

So Clare packs up her belongings and her car, which Paul ironically thinks of as his, books her ferry crossing and leaves. Despite telling Paul of her intentions for days and weeks leading up to it, he still didn't believe she would. He belittled her and told her she wouldn't survive five minutes without him. Upon returning home from work, Paul discovered she had indeed left him and proceeded to call and text her repeatedly with demands of where was his dinner and how was he supposed to get to work without a car? I found Paul's tirade tiresome and wanted to slap him. Although there were times I wanted to slap Clare as well.

Aside from those little nuances, Clare settled into her dilapidated cottage and set to making it a home. She makes two friends immediately - Janice, who runs the cafe, and Ryan, who runs the bookshop across from the cafe. Clare has an immense love of books but Paul dismissed her interest and threw out her beloved novels to make way for his car magazines. At last now she can pick up her love of books again with no one to stop her. She can also eat what she likes, often devouring slices of Janice's to-die-for cakes which Paul wouldn't allow her to, insinuating she was letting herself go. Such put-downs had my blood boiling!

As soon as Clare moves into Clonamurty Farm and begins to pull it apart, throwing out junk and setting aside pieces she could re-purpose. One such chair, which had seen better days, Clare found a hole in the bottom of - large enough to put her hand in. As she did so, her hand encircled something and she withdrew it, revealing an old birth certificate for a James O'Brien folded over a First Communion medallion with the date 1910 and the name Jimmy Gallagher engraved on the back. Who were these people? And what did the birth certificate have to do with the medallion? Were these things someone's forgotten secret?

The discovery of these items inspired Clare to delve into the history of her new home to find out who lived at Clonamurty Farm before her family did.

I must admit, Ellen's story was by far the most poignant and the one that enthralled me the most. Her character just touched your heart. I felt myself seeing the world - or Ireland - through her eyes and the harsh realities that faced a young woman on her own amidst a time of war. As Clare unravels a few secrets and learns a little more about her new home we see Ellen's story unfold in parallel to the present day.

THE FORGOTTEN SECRET is a clever page turner that will transport you back in time to 1920s Ireland alongside the present day story. Each chapter tells the tale of both women in dual timelines that will take your breath away. I am a sucker for historical fiction so of course the historical aspect is always going to appeal to me more. But having said that, I did enjoy both stories which lead to an incredibly touching end. 

BUT...I felt there were still a few things that were left unsaid that should have been explored more. Throughout the book as Clare talks about her grandmother (which I was confused at times when she referred to her being her grandmother and her great-grandmother), we are lead to believe from Ellen's story alongside Clare's who Granny Irish was. But it seemed not. However, the story doesn't actually tell you of Granny Irish's identity, just a vague reference to a woman in one of Ryan's history books which we are then lead to assume. The other point that grated with me was throughout all of Clare's research into the history of Clonamurty Farm and who lived there before her family, there is no reference at all as to how it started out as the Gallagher's farm and ended up being the Kennedy's. What happened in between? Wasn't that the whole point of Clare's research?

For all the stories that were in THE FORGOTTEN SECRET, despite the sorrow and heartache that be-felled Ellen she went on to have her happy ever after in the end, though we only hear it third hand in the end. But the saddest part is the reunion that never was. What Clare and Ryan achieved in the end was beautiful and bittersweet.

“You can research ancestry all you like, but how people actually felt and what they thought is lost in the mists of time.” This has to be one of my favourite quotes from the book. So beautiful and so insightful. I also loved Ryan's analogy of Ireland's war of independance in parallel to divorce.

I would like to thank #KathleenMcGurl, #NetGalley and #HQDigital for an ARC of #TheForgottenSecret in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: The Housewife by Valerie Keogh (ARC)

The Housewife by Valerie Keogh

Genre: Psychological thriller

Read: 24th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

(release date: 27th February 2019)

★★★★ 4 stars

THE HOUSEWIFE is the first book by Valerie Keogh I have read, and I must say I was filled with anticipation as it sounded just like my kind of read! It certainly is an interesting story - a little different, a little familiar and a lot of thrills!

Diane and Paul had a whirlwind romance and married two months after they met. Soon after they welcomed little Emma into their world, becoming a wonderfully happy family. Now Emma is three, and Diane and Paul have been married 4 years. On the surface it seems Diane is a housewife, happy and content with her life...but things are not always as they seem. Something happened which caused Diane to have a breakdown, leaving her with gaps in her memory. She can remember her life before and her life now, just not the months in between. She is desperate to remember what happened but Paul refuses to enlighten her, saying the doctors told her it would be better if she remembered on her own. Spontaneous recovery, they called it.

Diane has only been out of the clinic for a few weeks when Paul announces that he has enrolled Emma in nursery, citing it would be good for her. Diane feels she doesn't have a say in the matter but tells herself maybe it would be good for Emma to mix with children her own age. And maybe it would be good for her too, as she is still recovering from her breakdown. Problem is, Diane has no friends in London having come from Bristol when she married Paul. So there are many times she feels completely alone.

However, it isn't long before Diane feels the need to fill her days now that Emma is away for several hours of each day. So she decides on some volunteer work and contacts a charity shop who are more than happy to take her on for three mornings a week. She is excited at this new venture so much that Paul notices the change in her.

Her first day in the shop begins great. She meets several of the other volunteers and strikes up a friendship with a woman around her age called Anne. But when Diane is left to man the shop alone, something happens to start the downward spiral of her recovery. A woman she's noticed browsing seems to recognise her, leaving the shop in huff and her purchase on the counter. Diane doesn't know what to do, begins to feel faint and blacks out, bringing the ancient cash register down on top of her. The others rush from the back office to find an embarrassed and humiliated Diane picking herself up, grabbing her bag and racing out the door. She decides then that she could never return.

At home, she discovers her side aching terribly from the cash register, but refuses to take herself to a doctor. He will only put her back on the anti-depressants she stopped taking because they made her feel tired and foggy.

Then Diane sees the woman again. This time across the road outside her house. And again at the supermarket. And every other day she appears across the road from Emma's nursery. She seems to be everywhere. But no one else appears to see her. Then one day she decides to follow her, leading her to a house some 20 minutes away. Doing some digging, Diane discovers the owner's name and decides to confront her. Only the occupant is a little old lady who soon calls the police on Diane. Surely this woman is not a figment of her imagination?

But the woman is not the only thing that is happening to her. Diane awakens in the night to the sound of a baby crying. But there is no baby. And Emma is fast asleep.

Convinced she is either going mad or Paul is setting her up. But why? A search of his locked office reveals documents on sectioning, statements of outgoing expenditures and the most revealing - a receipt for a pair of emerald and diamond earrings costing $3000! Diane is now convinced Paul is having an affair and is trying to make out she is going mad with hearing things and seeing things - in an attempt to gain full custody of Emma. But he will not win. She will not let him.

THE HOUSEWIFE is a compelling story focusing on the concept of "gaslighting" - a term that is used to describe efforts to manipulate someone's perception of reality and making them question their own memory, perception and sanity, and appear delusional. The term gaslighting originates from the played turned movie "Gaslight" in which the husband constantly dims the gaslights in his home and then persuades his wife that she is just imagining it, ultimately slowly manipulating her into believing she is going insane. 

While some aspects of "gaslighting" is apparent in this story, THE HOUSEWIFE is a little more than that. Diane spends half the time questioning her sanity and the other half believing it to be all Paul's doing. I must admit, I laid the blame at Paul's feet too. But don't be fooled - there is more to the story.

THE HOUSEWIFE is a little slow-moving in parts and Diane's constant "brushing her daughter's curls" with her hand got a little repetitive. But the story does have that air of distrust throughout that holds your attention and leaves you questioning just what is going on. When the gaps in Diane's memory resurface all is shockingly revealed. A compelling read that will have you hooked, despite the slow pace at times, with an ending that leaves you wanting more. 

I would like to thank #ValerieKeogh, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #TheHousewife in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: Where She Lies by Michael Scanlon (ARC)

Where She Lies (Det. Finnegan Beck #1) by Michael Scanlon

Genre: Crime Fiction, Police Procedural

Read: 20th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

★★★★ 4 stars

WHERE SHE LIES in the first in a brand new Irish crime series by Michael Scanlon. It was previously published as THE QUIET HOURS.

A former inspector in Dublin, Detective Finnegan Beck finds himself not only demoted back to Detective Sergeant but transferred to a sleepy backwater town called Cross Beg situated in County Galway. His main objective? To do his job, keep his head down and not get too involved in whatever goes on in the village. The less involved he is, the quicker he can return to Dublin and his life there.

But then 15 year old Tanya Frazzali is found dead in the woods and Beck cannot sit back and watch his superiors lay the crime at the feet of an innocent man. Beck instinctively believes that there are darker motives at play and it isn't long before more deaths follow - despite their differing methods. However, police politics dictate that Beck must tow the line and refer to his superiors with regard to the case, who look down on him with somewhat distaste. However, Beck finds an ally in his detective constable Claire Somers as they question the Frazzali family and possible suspects.

Beck also has somewhat of an ally in forensic pathologist Dr Gumbell, and together they seem to spend several nights in one of the town's many pubs. This was the part I grew weary of. So many police prodeural mysteries see cops drinking themselves into oblivion most nights, and for me it isn't an integral part of the story. I get tired of it and it could well do without it.

WHERE SHE LIES moves along at a relatively good pace - not fast but not slow either. Just enough to keep you interested and reading for more. The suspect pool changes along the way as suspicion moves from one to another...until the reveal in the end.

Apart from the mystery, WHERE SHE LIES is as much about Beck and his story, as we learn pieces of information about him along the way. He has his own troubles but it doesn't stop his ability to solve the case. He is rather likeable as is his DC Claire Somers. They work well together and are a likeable team.

WHERE SHE LIES is an enjoyable debut with lots of thrills and twists. I definitely recommend it though I cannot compare it to any other series as to me, Finnegan Beck is one of a kind. I certainly hope to read more of him in the future.

I would like to thank #MichaelScanlon, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #WhereSheLies in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: The Good Friend by Jo Baldwin (ARC)

The Good Friend by Jo Baldwin

Genre: Psychological drama, Thriller

Read: 14th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

(release date - 21st February 2019)

★★★ 3.5 stars

If only she knew what kind of friend I really am!

THE GOOD FRIEND is the debut thriller by Jo Baldwin - however, I would use the term "thriller" loosely as it's not an edge-of-your-seat or a fast paced read. The tagline reads "Heavenly Creatures meets The Hand That Rocks the Cradle in this exciting debut novel about friendship, love and jealousy." I haven't seen "Heavenly Creatures" but I do remember "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" and it does have an element of that style to it.

It is a different style of story and several times throughout I debated about whether I could finish the book as it was really slow moving to get going. I mean, there are slow starts and there slooooow starts. However, despite my apprehension I'm glad I stuck with it because it was a reasonably good read, but not exceptional. But don't let that stop you - the ending was a twist that many won't see coming but I suspected. It's not normally an ending I like as I prefer everything tied up in a nice little package by the end of the story, but this left a few loose ends and that cliffhanger ending you see in season finales of some our favourite shows. But despite that, I thought it a fitting ending considering the story.

Jenny and Kath have been best friends since childhood. They grew up together, did everything together and were completely inseparable. But Jenny left to pursue a swimming career in Australia but her heart still yearned for home in the UK, and most of all, for her soul mate she left behind - Tom. So after 8 years away, feeling burnt out from constant competition and solid training sessions, Jenny decides to visit her childhood friend in France, where Kath now lives with her husband...Tom. The moment Jenny sees Tom the electricity is clearly felt between them, making the reunion somewhat uncomfortable. The couple now have a 5 year old daughter, Rosa, together and Jenny finds her absolutely delightful. I did find Rosa to be a little older beyond her years throughout the book which left me questioning if I misread her age. However, Rosa proves to be a salve to the pain of seeing Tom again and married to another, bringing constant joy to her days as she teaches Rosa to swim. But Tom remains aloof towards Jenny which leaves her wondering if he still feels the same about her.

At first, the women fall back into their close relationship of old, laughing and reminiscing over old memories, but before long things begin to feel amiss. Kath appears to have changed...or is it Jenny? And why is Tom so distant? It isn't long before Jenny begins to see cracks in Kath's picture perfect world, beginning with the tension between her friend and Tom as well as her own relationship with Kath. Tom hints towards her being mentally ill and on anti-depressants but then discovers Kath has stopped taking her medication. Then Kath's strange and malicious behaviour leaves Jenny questioning if she really knew her friend at all?

This is when the book starts to get interesting. The reader feels a sense of anticipation wondering what Kath is going to do next. One can almost see the glint in her eye whenever she is around.

When Jenny finally sees the truth about her friend she feels shocked, hurt and most all of all, betrayed. Kath has played a sinister game to manipulate and control everyone around her - and Jenny is her biggest victim.

The story's slow build creates tension and unease as the sinister tale of friendship, secrets, deception, jealousy and revenge gradually unravels with an ending that leaves you unsettled. It is brooding, it is malicious, it is ominous, it is sinister.

THE GOOD FRIEND is not your average thriller, but it is still a thriller of sorts. I wasn't sure I would enjoy it but in the end I did...even if I didn't really like the characters. I felt they didn't have a lot of depth and there was an awful lot of narration, which I am not a huge fan of. I could tell from early on that Kath had a few screws loose. Though no actual diagnosis was mentioned, to me she felt a little bipolar but more like borderline personality disorder. She was sociopathic. She felt no empathy or remorse. The world revolved around her, in her eyes, and she manipulated everyone for her own ends. She was completely unlikeable.

For me, the rating loser is the death of Pilot. Anyone who knows me, knows I cannot stand the death of a dog in a story - book or movie - and I even stopped reading one depressing story after one dog's cruel death. However, Pilot's death leaves you with questions also as to what happened and how it happened? And THE GOOD FRIEND certainly leaves you unsettled with many questions unanswered.

I wouldn't say THE GOOD FRIEND was brilliant, but then it also depends on your expectations. It is pitched as a thriller but I would say it was more of a psychological drama in the fact that it's Jenny who is facing the unknown, whereas we as the reader can plainly see that Kath is the problem. The reader doesn't have that edge-of-your-seat psychological thrill, and yet the story is incredibly psychological...just not in the thriller kind of way. That is why many are disappointed with the book - being pitched as a genre that can include many different "sub genres". A thriller that is not really a thriller, but it still fits under that genre being psychological. I guess we expected more of a thriller than it was.

I'd still recommend to give it a go. It isn't what you expect at first but you can still quite clearly see what's going on from early on...and that leaves you wondering just how it is all going to end. And while it is not normally my type of ending, it really is a good but unexpected ending - and completely unsettling.

I would like to thank #JoBaldwin, #NetGalley and #RedDoorPublishing for an ARC of #TheGoodFriend in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: Finding Grace by K.L. Slater (ARC)

Finding Grace by K.L. Slater

Genre: Psychological thriller

Read: 10th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

(release date 14th February 2019)

★★★★ 4 stars

I must say I was thrilled to be approved to read K.L. Slater's newest psychological thriller FINDING GRACE. After the previous two I've read - BLINK and LIAR - I've been a huge fan and enjoy her style of suspense and page-turning intrigue she delivers. However, for me, this one fell a little flat. I'm not sure why; it just didn't have that same compelling tension her other books have had. Don't get me wrong - I still enjoyed it. Just not as much as her others.

I admit I am always drawn to the "missing child" concept and the different ways in which it's delivered. Some may think it is getting a little long in the tooth and has been overdone a little too many times, but I still enjoy the mysteries surrounding each child's disappearance and unravelling the clues that lead us to the end. 

But FINDING GRACE is a little different than just your average missing child story. It is fast paced, peppered with hints of some dark secret lurking in Lucie's past. All of which we get sprinkles of throughout.

Grace has just turned 9 years old and is your usual gregarious child of that age, believing they are almost grown up because "I'm nine years old now!" A phrase which has become Grace's favourite since her birthday the day before, constantly using it to emphasise the importance of her age and therefore, the status with which is brings. So when she hounds her parents into letting her walk home from her best friend Olivia's house ON HER OWN the following day, Blake and Lucie are apprehensive. But she's a big girl now and she wants to be treated as such. 

So it is against their better judgement that Blake and Lucie agree but, unbeknownst to Grace, with one stipulation. Both fathers will keep watch discreetly from their respective ends so that Grace will never know. But, it all goes wrong when Blake takes his eyes off her for a moment. Just checking his phone, to which he is surgically attached, and then slipping on the moss-covered path and twisting his ankle. He calls out to Lucie who has the music up loud in the house preparing for her daughter's return from her exciting day out. Oblivious, she doesn't hear him. And in that moment, Grace has vanished!

The police are called and a search is underway by locals in the community eager to help. Motives soon come to light and everyone is questioned. At the same time, I felt the police had very little to do with the story. It was more about Lucie and her past secret, the secrets she uncovers regarding her husband Blake and her ultimately intent on finding Grace herself.

Lucie obviously blames herself for saying yes to Grace walking home, which had more to do with putting her mother-in-law in her place than anything else, I felt. She spends much of the time blaming herself and questioning Blake's secrecy. She is sure he is having an affair with her best friend Bev and wonders if that has anything to do with Grace's disappearance. Whilst the police are not discounting anything, they have said that Grace probably just wandered off and lost track of time. But they don't know her like Lucie does. She wouldn't just do that. Lucie is sure someone has taken her. But who?

Then a secret from Lucie's past comes back to haunt her. No, it isn't possible. Is it? Is SHE the reason Grace has been taken?

The story unfolds through Lucie's eyes as she recounts events from the day before, the morning of, the afternoon of and after Grace's disappearance. Every few chapters we are taken sixteen years back to Grace's short time at university, as that story is told from a third person perspective - as if Lucie distances herself from that time and the events that unfolded by not telling it herself. Turning each page, the reader is left wondering what could possibly be so bad to make Lucie run from her studies and back home again. When it is finally revealed, I must admit I was left wondering "Is that it?" and "Why?" Regardless of the threats made towards her I would have gone straight to the police. And to think, if she had, such a secret would never have followed her for sixteen years resulting in Grace's disappearance.

What happened after the said event sixteen years prior was a little more interesting. When Lucie met Blake, when he proposed, when they married, Grace's birth and the horrific car accident at the end of her street where I found myself with baited breath and crossing my fingers - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! - as I'm sure Lucie did also. But it all began to make a little more sense from then on. Sadly, the end result was a little far fetched I thought, but still had me breathing a sigh of relief.

For fans of K.L. Slater, I think they will discover FINDING GRACE to be an enjoyable read, if not her best. The suspense, the tension, the intrigue are all there to make it a compelling easy read.

I would like to thank #KLSlater, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #FindingGrace in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: Abuse Beaten: From Victim to Victor by Crystal Mary Lindsey

Abuse Beaten by Crystal Mary Lindsey

Genre: Biographical

Read: 11th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

(FREE)

★★★★ 4 stars

Firstly, let me say, I was married to Crystal/Cara's eldest son and like his father before him, he used intimidation, threats, violence, lies and accusations and humiliation on me also. When Crystal/Cara left "Paul", my ex constantly hounded me that I was just like his mother. Accused me of being unfaithful "just like his mother" and I was going to leave him "just like his mother". I remembered him hitting me one day quoting scripture at me saying "Spare the rod and you spoil the child!" and that I was like a naughty child who needed to be punished. When he was committed to a psychiatric unit the first time, he told his doctor that "God told him to kill me for being unfaithful." There was so much more I was victim to but luckily for me, after leaving several times, I finally had the courage to after he stabbed me with the car keys. We weren't married very long, but it was a hellish and difficult time for me. After I left he used other family members to call me and try to coax me back. I had a restraining order against him so he couldn't contact me direct. But he watched me. I was so scared for my safety I moved interstate to escape him.

By the time I was seeing her eldest son, their marriage was already about over. When Cara left, Paul always found her and her phone number because my ex believed what his father told him and gave his father her address and phone numbers. I told him not to but he didn't listen to me. While I never knew the extent of Cara's story, I knew something wasn't right. I remember one day when my ex and I were visiting "Paul" laughingly made a comment that he "was a playboy". It seemed from this story, Cara's story, it wasn't far from the truth. While I never visually witnessed any violence, there was one night I was staying over in one of the spare rooms - the youngest daughter's old room, I believe - whilst my ex was in his room. The youngest son returned home very late on this night, being a mid-teenager and a little rebellious against authority as teens are. But what I heard both shocked me and frightened me. I heard "Paul" in the hall outside my bedroom door yelling - both in his native tongue and English - as well as verbally and physically abusing their youngest son. I heard him hit him, throw him against the wall and the door; it sounded like he was beating him. The boy wasn't only 15. I've never forgotten that, it frightened me so much. I never spoke of it and pretended the next morning that I never heard anything.

Crystal/Cara's story is one which many women live. And while the 30 years Cara was with Paul was not a happy one, but rather a lonely existence, I could see she adored each of her children. I remember when she left Paul. Her eldest son and I were holidaying down the south coast in Merimbula when he received a phone call from his father saying that his mother had left them. It ruined the rest of our stay, as the shadow of his mother's leaving was cast over our lives as well. If I'm honest, his abuse towards me started when she left his father. He was convinced I would be just like his mother and leave. And quite honestly, it was never my intention to do so. But sadly, for my safety and my sanity, I had to 2 years later.

Many people who have never lived in an abusive relationship/marriage often ask "why don't they just leave him?" And from an outsider's perspective it really does seems as easy as that; but in reality it isn't. Cara stayed for almost 30 years before finally gaining the courage to leave. I left after a couple of years. To be fair, it is a little easier to leave these days than it was in Cara's day. Don't get me wrong, it is still incredibly hard to do so, but what I mean is that there are a lot more facilities available now to help the victim leave her abuser than there was 30 years ago. We are taught that marriage is for life, for better for worse for richer for poorer. To me, to Cara, and to many other women, they are not loose words just meant for the wedding day. They were vows for life. And long before I married her eldest son, life was a lot different in the 1960s, 1970s and even into the 1980s. You didn't leave your husband just because he knocked you about a bit. In those days, it wasn't even a criminal offence. The police didn't get involved as it was "between a husband and his wife". In many ways it was seen as "you made your bed, now you must lie in it". Fortunately a lot has changed in that regard. Women and children should not be made to live in fear. Their home is meant to be their sanctuary, not their prison.

Reading Cara's story was an eye opener in that I had been a part of this family and never knew the extent of her pain. I remember when I first met Cara I found her to be quiet, reserved and even a little unhappy. She didn't smile a lot, but when she did it was genuine. When my ex brought me home through the internal door from the garage to the kitchen and introduced to me for the first time, I remember her welcoming me into their home with arms outstretched and a genuine smile. With Paul, I always kept my distance. I was never completely comfortable around him but I put that down to the different culture, of which I was not accustomed to.

Cara speaks of feelings of isolation throughout her marriage to Paul. I felt that in his presence also. Being of an ethnic culture, the families were always together, at each others' houses, it was like not being part of one part of the family, but the entire extended family. For they were never far away. Again, I put that down to the culture. But I remember being at one of his brother's homes with my ex one time and I was sitting at a big polished round table (my ex had gone out for a cigarette) and I was left alone at this table with Paul and his two brothers. Did any of them talk to me? No. They acted like I wasn't even there and to add insult to injury, they continued to talk amongst themselves (though still loudly enough for me to hear but knowing I wouldn't understand) in their own native tongue. I had never felt so isolated. So I can understand that feeling to an extent. Life was going on around me, around Cara, and we were shut out of it. I never learnt the language, only bits here and there, so for Cara to learn and become fluent in her husband's native tongue was a feat to be proud of.

I never saw Cara as weak or as nothing. I saw her as a strong woman in a difficult situation. She had a difficult time of it over those years of marriage, and yet she still made the best of it as she could. She didn't buckle under Paul's threats, violence or intimidations. She left, she made something of herself and she survived. That didn't make her weak or useless or nothing or even a failure as a wife or mother. She did what she had to do to survive. And I understood that.

For obvious reasons, after the breakdown of my marriage to her eldest son(it's very hard not to slip and use real names), I lost touch with Cara. But I had heard she'd moved to Queensland and that later the rest of her children moved up there also. I never knew what became of Paul. If he is still alive he will be 80 this year. And Cara is a year older than my own mum.

By the time I knew the family, Paul's parents had long since passed. I knew his mother spoke little English but I had no idea she was so hateful towards Cara. How lonely that must have felt, for even the family into which you had married most of them hating you. My heart ached for Cara reading this. But I wondered, did Paul's family or any of Cara's family know of the abuse he inflicted on her? I could see her brother and sisters being by her side as they were all such loving people. His family, I couldn't see them believing her had she spoken out. I know when I spoke out, they didn't believe me. Not even Cara's second eldest sister. I remember her telling me "He would never do something like that!" I don't even think Cara or her other children believed me either. But in all honesty, if I have learnt anything through my experience and journey through abuse, is that no one ever knows what really goes on behind closed doors. Someone who can appear so loving, so friendly and such a wonderful person can also be an intimidating abuser. To the outside they are one person, but once those doors are closed they can be someone different entirely. My ex was unwell, and I don't say that maliciously. But I think growing up in the environment he and his siblings did could never have left them untouched. I think each of them were scarred in their own ways. How can children witness something like that and not be?

To say Cara's story didn't touch me would be a lie. It did. And it pained me to think that I had been a part of her family and never knew. Never saw. When she left, she never said it was because of Paul's constant abuse or lack of love or anything like that. All she said was that she just had to leave. And while that may be true, I can also see that in her children's eyes it could seem like a form of abandonment. The daughters may well have been closer to their mother than the boys were but I could see the damage it was doing to my husband - her eldest son - and by her own admission in this book how her youngest viewed it also. My ex clearly thought he had abandoned both him and his father. He was staunch in his belief that marriage was forever and her place was with his father. The toll it took on him overflowed into our marriage and he became obsessed with the fact I was either unfaithful or was going to leave him. When I married him, I didn't take my vows lightly. And only broke them after much heartache after he had broken his.

I remember returning from the funeral of a childhood friend who had finally succumbed to his cystic fibrosis. My ex was out the back having a cigarette and when I walked in he accused me right away of having been with another man. I told him that I had been to my friend's funeral which he flatly refused to believe. In his eyes I went out that morning to be with another man and he dropped me off around the corner so he wouldn't catch him, which was why he never heard me come home. My friend drove me home and couldn't come in because her baby was asleep in the car and she didn't want to disturb him. To live in constant fear of being accused for something you never did, of being intimidated into submission, of being ignored for hours on end, or of being beaten for daring to disagree with him was a constant nightmare. Reading Cara's story was like reading my own in part. While many aspects were completely different, the cycle of abuse, the pattern of abuse, the forms of abuse was exactly the same.

I guess reading Cara's story brought a lot of what I had put behind me to the surface again. I just hope that in telling her story can help other women/people in similar circumstances. As alone as you might feel, you are not. I know it's trite to say that, because I remember feeling completely alone when I endured it. No one, unless they have lived it themselves, can fully understand just how lonely or debilitating such an existence is. I know I wasn't married to my ex for as long as Cara was to Paul, but it affected me deeply and over 20 years later, it still does. I'm not as strong as Cara. I've not made anything of myself. My biggest ambition in life was to get married and have a family. Nothing more. I have since remarried but I never had that family. It was just not to be.

The book itself is not a long book. I read it one sitting in just 2 hours. But it is hauntingly familiar. The editing is a little poor I found with words in sentences that didn't belong, making them appear to not make much sense. I had to read a several a few times over to remove or replace the inadvertent word to make some sense of it. I also found the story jumped around a little and didn't have that usual flow. Whether this was because of the time that has passed and these memories are just fragments or pieces Cara has put together over time or not, I'm not sure. But I did find that and the poor editing a little off-putting. For someone who struggles with reading may well struggle with the form in which this has been written. I was surprised to see the use of American English rather than the UK English we in Australia have been taught, particularly given Cara is Australian. But that's no biggie. Just a surprise is all.

Despite those small aspects, I do not NOT recommend this book. In fact I do recommend it to those who may know of someone in an abusive situation. It may help give them an insight into what it is like for the abused, and maybe help to help them. No one has the right to abuse another. No one has the right to raise a hand to another. To intimidate, threaten or humiliate them. No one has that right. Every one has the right to feel safe.

REVIEW: The Second Wife by Sheryl Browne (ARC)

The Second Wife by Sheryl Browne

Genre: Domestic thriller

Read: 7th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

★★★ 3.5 stars

THE SECOND WIFE is the latest domestic thriller by Sheryl Browne and, though I've heard great things regarding her books, this is the first of hers that I have read. I do have a few of her others in my "to read" pile which I look forward to tackling.

Rebecca and Nicole have been lifelong friends since university and - whilst Rebecca lives abroad in France and Nicole remained in Britain the two exchange texts, emails and letters regularly - life has treated each of them differently. Nicole found herself in an abusive marriage and felt she would never trust a man again. Then she meets Richard. He is so different to anyone she has met. He is a complete gentlemen, so loving and caring, and not to mention, completely good looking. After a whirlwind romance they are soon married.

But cracks begin to appear when, on their wedding day, an event occurs with the son of one of Nicole's friends and Richard's 22 year old daughter Olivia. She claims he tried to rape her and Richard is quickly at his daughter's side to calm her. Nicole is speechless but Richard is fuming, ordering Nicole's friend Peter and his son Zach to leave immediately and to never return! So distraught is Olivia that Richard and Nicole decide to take her on their honeymoon to Bali, but what is meant to be a romantic time for the newlyweds ends up being a lonely time for Nicole whilst Richard spends his days with Olivia. Nicole's tries to broach the topic of it being their honeymoon and wanting to spend some time together but Richard dismisses her as being selfish claiming Olivia needs him right now.

Things do no improve when they return home. Olivia moves into their new home  and always seems to be there when Nicole and Richard try to find a little alone time. It is obvious from the start that Olivia manipulates her father to get what she wants and Richard is quick to appease his "hurt" daughter. Soon Olivia behaves completely different when both Richard and Nicole are home as opposed to when it is just Nicole. When she tries to speak to Richard about it, he refuses to believe what Nicole tells him about his daughter and she soon begins to think she is going mad. The only person Nicole can talk to and confide in is Rebecca. But she's hundreds of miles away in France and, while they continue to exchange emails and texts on the matter, Nicole soon begins to feel completely alone. In the end, Nicole feels so completely helpless she commits suicide.

Rebecca flies over from France to attend her best friend's funeral. She is understandably distraught but at the same time wonders what really took place to lead Nicole to end her life. Immediately befriended by Olivia, Rebecca is asked back to the house and desperate to find out what really happened, Rebecca accepts the invitation. There she meets Richard whom she at once finds to be warm and friendly and incredibly attractive. She instinctively saw what Nicole saw in him and, despite her reservations, Rebecca found herself warming to him immediately. They become closer and he confides in her about Nicole's "mental illness" which claimed her life.

When Rebecca announces she is selling her cottage in France and returning to England top be nearer to her son, Richard offers her a place to stay while she is house hunting. Accepting his offer, she thought it a perfect opportunity to discover what really happened to Nicole and it isn't long before Rebecca finds herself stepping into her friend's shoes. But there is a difference. Rebecca is a strong independent character and won't succumb to Olivia's ploys of manipulation. She soons see Olivia for who she is but remains friendly and "oblivious" to her manipulations. And just when you think you know what is going on, everything turns and delivers a shocking twist!

THE SECOND WIFE is told primarily through the eyes of Rebecca and Nicole. Nicole's POV is told through her emails and texts to Rebecca from the past six months or so. As I can't really determine when the "present day" actually takes place (as it doesn't actually say anything that indicates it) I'm unsure if there is a time difference of six or 12 months. Nicole's story unfolds through every alternate chapter to Rebecca's for the first half before the funeral afterwhich it is then set in the present day and told from Rebecca, Richard and Olivia's POV.

I found the first half a little slow and uneventful and it only succeeded in angering me where Olivia was concerned. It wasn't until halfway through that it began to get really interesting, despite knowing some of what was to come. There were still surprises in store, that's for sure. I found it difficult to get through to begin with as Olivia was such a hateful character, it was hard to see past that to get to the real story.

Unoriginal in name, I was wondering who exactly was the second wife Browne was referring to by the title. And yet THE SECOND WIFE is full of bitterness, rivalry, jealousy, betrayal and deceit, making it a compulsive and addictive read.

I would like to thank #SherylBrowne, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #TheSecondWife in exchange for an honest review.

REVIEW: The Girl on the Beach by Tracy Buchanan (ARC)

The Girl on the Beach by Tracy Buchanan

Genre: Mystery, Thriller

Read: 5th February 2019

Goodreads

Purchase: Amazon

★★★★ 4 stars

** Firstly I have to say, I pity any book I started after the last one I read. It was never going to live up to that one, so my apologies. **

First of all, let me begin by saying that THE GIRL ON THE BEACH and THE FAMILY SECRET are one and the same, published in UK and Australia as the latter and in the US as the former. As many have asked this question, as I did at first also, I felt it needed to be cleared up.

So, THE GIRL ON THE BEACH is the first book by Tracy Buchanan I have read and I had high hopes for it as the synopsis drew me right in. It started off with promised then I found it plateaued out a little to be a little unexciting and then it became edge-of-your-seat stuff with a whopper ending that even I didn't see coming!

It begins with a Prologue of a girl on an icy loch falling into its icy waters with someone looking on, just watching. It has that real menacing feel to it that gave the story promise and I couldn't wait to find out what happened to her. While the rest of the book has timestamps throughout, the Prologue doesn't, so we don't know whether it's past, present or future.

From there we meet Amber Caulfield, a woman who has known loss and disappointment in her life. When she was a young child she lost several fingers of her left hand to frostbite and then years later, her only daughter of four to meningitis which lead to the breakdown of her marriage to her doctor husband, Jasper.

Then one morning whilst opening up her beachside gift shop and bickering with her mum and aunt, Amber sees a lone figure on the beach with no shoes and no coat. It is cold and the wind off the sea is icy as Amber hurries to the girl and wraps her in a warm blanket. The girl is dazed and confused with no idea who she is or what she is doing here. The only clue is a notebook she carries in her back pocket, filled with wildlife drawings and notations.

The story then goes back in time to 1989 and a woman called Gwyneth, and as her story progresses so does the timeline. At first I was puzzled about the part Gwyneth played in it all. What did she have to do with the story unfolding with Amber? As there was 20 years between the two I wasn't sure how it related...at first. And then it started to dawn on me...in part. But it was only a small part that I figured out - the rest wasn't revealed till the end which I never saw coming! But, yes, how it made sense in the end.

However, I must admit I preferred the present day storyline with Amber and the girl with its mystery and poignancy to Gwyneth's past. I didn't like the McClusky family with whom Gwyneth found herself with at Christmas 1989. They held too many secrets and the mother was overbearing in my book. Then Gwyneth's romps with Dylan. Really? After 2 days. They sounded shallow and unbelievable. It made Gwyneth seem like a slapper in my book. But they parted though I knew it didn't end there. I really didn't like this part of the story. Sex in an icy forest. Sex in a barn. Sex in the front seat of a truck. Really? I thought I'd picked up a mystery thriller, not a Mills and Boon romance. It made me like Gwyneth even less. Then when the secret the McClusky's held was revealed it all felt a little anti-climatic. I can't believe all that had happened over that secret. Was that really worth more than someone's life?

The mystery girl brings out Amber's maternal instinct as she tries to find out what happened to her, and helps her unravel the mystery of her identity. As she does, the journey takes the two to Scotland and there the truth is uncovered. But it's not until they return to Winterton Chine that the real secret is finally revealed, surprising them all.

As the story moves between 1989 and 2009, the descriptions of each setting was so rich in detail that I felt like I was there in icy cold Winterton Chine, to the freezing highlands of Scotland and the artic Iceland.

I enjoyed this book, particularly as it began to pick up pace (and Gwyneth stopped jumping into bed with Dylan) as the race to find out the mystery girl's identity heightened. I loved the mystery it held. It was spellbinding - filled with emotion, mystery and new beginnings. It's about misundertanding, loss and learning to trust again. It's about human frailty.

The best part about THE GIRL ON THE BEACH was the ending. WOW! I loved how it all came together. As Gwyneth stepped off that train I began to realise just how it all fit - and it was genius!

Whilst I didn't like every part of THE GIRL ON THE BEACH, and found some aspects unnecessary to the story, I did enjoy it and do recommend it. That ending was worth the read.

Thank you to #TracyBuchanan, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #TheGirlOnTheBeach in exchange for an honest review.