The Lies We Hide by S.E. Lynes
Genre: Suspense, Domestic drama, Chick Lit
Read: 20th January 2020
(publication date: 4th December 2019)
★★★ 3.5 stars
I really should have paid more attention to the genre when requesting this book. But to be honest, all I saw was the name S.E. Lynes and quickly (and incorrectly) assumed it was another psychological thriller, that the author is synonymous for. Instead
THE LIES WE HIDE is a somewhat dark family drama more in line with chick lit genre. But don't be fooled - it is not a "feel good" fiction story. It is dark, evocative and even a little gritty.
1968: The story opens with a young teenage couple, Carol and Ted, at fairground in Blackpool. It soon becomes clear that Carol is pregnant, judging from her refusal to accompany Ted on one of the more adrenaline-fueled rides, where Ted then dramatically yells out a proposal to her. And so Carol's story begins.
1984: Carol returns home from a friend's wedding to find her brother sleeping on the couch and her husband Ted in a drunken stupor on the bed. Her two children, Graham and Nicola (Nicky), are thankfully asleep. Carol takes the opportunity to enjoy a nice long soak in the bath after what turned out to be a rather eventful night. Then...
"A creak on the landing. She curls up. The water swishes loud in the tub; she cringes at the noise. Ted. He's woken up. He's woken up and he's-
The bathroom door flies open. Ted. Eyes bloodshot and wild, blind but seeing, a look full of hate aimed only at her. His nose wrinkles, his hand shoots out in front of him, a starfish of fingers. She shrieks, folds herself smaller still, arms over her head, eyes closed. The smell of whisky goes up her nose, whisky and smoke, sweat and pubs. This is it. She has not got away with it. The punishment is now."
Carol made herself a promise to herself as Ted shoved her face underwater, holding here there until she was barely conscious. She has just enough strength to gather the thought - "If I survive tonight, this is it. We're leaving." When it was all over, trembling and in pain, Carol crawled out of the bath. Gathering her remaining strength, she then woke her sleeping children, packed up their lives and left Ted and his violent drunken abuse behind.
2019: Nicola is now a successful London barrister returning to her family home in Merseyside to attend her mother's funeral. In the ensuing days, she reflects back on the life she shared with her mother and older brother Graham. She remembers the sacrifices her mother made for them, ensuring her daughter received a good education even while her son had fallen through the cracks to become a stranger to them both.
The night they fled their father changed everything for them...but especially Graham. He became withdrawn, silent and moody...no longer stuttering because he hardly ever spoke to them. Nicola recalled how she missed her older brother in those dark days as he continued to withdraw from them. More and more he snuck out at night, taking up with a rough crowd, smoking weed until eventually even that wasn't enough and he needed the harder drugs to escape the guilt and the shadows that followed him. Even her mother sacrificing her own happiness with someone who truly loved her and wanted to take care of her, in the hope her son would somehow find his way back to them wasn't enough.
Jim Mackay, a lovable gentle giant of a man, first set eyes on Carol at that wedding decked out in full Scottish regalia. Carol immediately felt something deep within as she danced in Jim's arms...and felt a frisson of excitement at his touch. She knew he was different. But she also knew that what he wanted, what she wanted, was forbidden. Ted would kill her. As it happens, he very nearly did when she returned home that night...and in the days, weeks and months she wondered if Jim ever thought of her as she did him. So when he turned up a year later at their new home, Graham was furious at the intrusion and somehow perceived Jim as a threat. Jim stayed a week before Carol asked him to leave, in an attempt to reach out to her son.
Then one night shortly after Jim's departure, the police knocked at Carol's door. A body had been found beaten to death outside a pub frequented by her estranged husband. It was Ted. Torn in her grief for the man he used to be, Carol was relieved at no longer fearing he would find her and carry out his threat to kill her. Shortly after, Carol, Nicky and Graham moved back to the house that had been their home for so long.
But this is not the end. Carol's story, and Nicola's and Graham's - their stories were only just beginning.
Told from three different perspectives in the past and the present, we see into the very hidden depths of our three narrators' souls - Nicola in the present, with the earlier narratives by Carol and Richard, the prison chaplain who helped Graham find his wings so he could truly fly upon release. Each of them reveal secrets about themselves privy only to the reader, their guilt, their shame, their heartache, their grief. Parts of their narratives are incredibly raw and so emotional it is hard not to shed a tear. Each of them are flawed but that is what makes them so real.
Complex and evocative,
THE LIES WE HIDE is about a family and their secrets, their suffering, their heartache and their pain. It is about the scars that domestic abuse leaves behind, long after the threat has gone. The story is riddled with guilt and shame which is at the forefront of much of this incredibly sad tale. Whilst also woven into the tapestry is grief. Reading Nicola's raw and heartbreaking grief at the loss of her mother, her guilt at not being there at the end, is so powerful so heartbreaking I was in tears. Her pain is so evident I could reach out and touch it myself.
A well-written heartbreaking tale,
THE LIES WE HIDE is not a fast paced read but it is a good one. It evoked a wealth of emotions as the story progressed that it was so easy to relate to each of the characters. You sympathised and yet you felt anger amidst heartbreak and grief. By the end, I had suspected one of the twists all along and had an inkling about the other. But the biggest shock were the secrets (ok, so I suspected one) they each kept to themselves at the end in the lies that they hid from each other...that left me with a feeling of sadness interwoven with understanding.
I have to mention Graham's poem to Richard. Whilst it was a lighthearted attempt at deep heartfelt gratitude, I found myself in tears reading the depth of emotion within those few lines.
THE LIES WE HIDE is not just about abuse and despair, but about a mother's unconditional love for her children and her determination to give them a better life free of fear and dread. It's about love, redemption, forgiveness and moving on.
While I may have begun this book anticipating a psychological thriller, I was glad I read it. It certainly wasn't what I expected.
I would like to thank
#SELynes,
#NetGalley and
#Bookouture for an ARC of
#TheLiesWeHide in exchange for an honest review.
