The Mother I Could Have Been by Kerry Fisher
Genre: Family drama, Literary fiction, Chick Lit
Read: 4th January 2020
Purchase: Amazon
(publication date: 22nd November 2019)
★★★★★ 5 stars
This is the first Kerry Fisher book I have read and I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised. I really and truly enjoyed it. An nice and easy read, the pace was steady, the story emotional and the ending heartwarming. Although I wouldn't classify THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN in the Mystery/Thriller genre, it does has an element of mystery to it. But I would shelve it with the contemporary, general fiction or even chick lit.
THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN is Vicky's story. She grew up not knowing her father and when her mother remarried to a man who didn't particularly like his new wife's daughter then went on to have two more children. Whilst her mother played happy families with husband Ian and children Joey and Emily, Vicky felt like the odd one out. Her mother always seemed to have more time for her new family rather than she did for Vicky.
2009. When Vicky graduated university, her mum rang at the last minute with the excuse that Emily had taken a fall and she was at the hospital; that she was sorry but wouldn't be able to make her graduation. Angered that once again her mother proved she didn't really want her, Vicky decided that when it came time for her to have a family she would show them the love and attention she had always wanted but never received. She would give her children what she had missed out on.
Then when her flatmate's family invited her to join them on a trip to Corfu, Vicky jumped at the chance to escape her troubles with her own family. But two weeks into the holiday, she begins to feel her presence really isn't wanted particularly when she overhears her friend Liv tell her mother she "didn't think she would be spending the whole holiday with us"!
So Vicky makes her escape and finds herself at beachside bar run by the charismatic Freddie. On a whim, she asks him for a job in exchange for board and lodging and by the end of the day Vicky had moved herself into the attic room overtop of the bar. The locals loved her, the tourists also loved her and soon Freddie did too. It wasn't long before Vicky left the attic room and moved in with Freddie. Together they enjoyed a free spirited relationship and when Liv's family left Corfu, Vicky found herself not wanting to go back home. So she stayed.
Then one day, Vicky is enjoying the solitude of a secluded beach the locals frequent...but not generally tourists...when she meets William. They spend a glorious day and evening together and he walks her home to the bar, giving her his number should she ever wish to see him again. Despite being with Freddie, Vicky can't stop thinking about William and before long she moves out of the room she shared with Freddie and moves in with William.
Vicky and William fall madly in love and they love their life in Corfu, and aren't looking to return home to the UK in the foreseeable future. That is, until Vicky discovers she is pregnant and everything changes. After a scare in her second trimester, Vicky and William decide to move back to the UK with William's family where she is welcomed by his mother and father.
When Vicky gives birth to baby Theo, she is filled with doubts about her abilities, which are more often than not, highlighted by William's mother Barbara. Vicky trusted Barbara to know best as she hadn't a clue on how to raise a child, but soon those subtleties turn into nastiness and Vicky finds herself at loggerheads with not just Barbara, but William too, who doesn't seem the least bit interested and tired of her constant complaints about his mother. Not only that, Theo didn't seem to like her and would scream whenever she came near...and yet he would calm in Barbara's arms.
But one Christmas, when Theo was 2, was the last straw. Barbara once again asserted her authority over Vicky for little Theo's attention and when he took a tumble with his new gift, Vicky was shocked to hear Theo cry "Don't want Vicky! Want Mamma!" Vicky was incensed and confronted Barbara about teaching him to call her "mamma". But Barbara brushed it off as "Theo's choice...short for grandma". When she tried to talk to William about it, he was more interested in his phone than what was going on and told her to calm down. Furious, Vicky changed into more comfortable clothes, jumped in her car and left...and she never went back.
She had intended to return...but every time she tried she found she just couldn't face William or his mother in what would be another "battle of wills". In the end, she stayed away for about six months before she decided to speak to William face to face. But when she approached the school where Barbara had insisted on Theo going to, she saw William kissing a tall blonde woman...and even worse, Theo seemed to love her too! It seemed their lives had moved on without her...and she wasn't even missed. Not even by her son.
So Vicky turned her car around and drove away.
Devon, 2016. Caro Campbell and her husband Gilbert ran a small holiday business with their son Fergus. Caro had a daughter India who, for all intents and purposes, was a complete pain in the proverbial! That woman would find fault in anything and everything! Caro loved both her children but India could never see it.
On New Year's Eve, India had left her three children - Ivy, Rowan and Hollie - in Caro's charge with strict instructions that she must follow to the letter. However, it was New Years and Caro was entertaining guests whilst the children were watching television in the den. By the time India and her husband returned early, Ivy was drunk and Rowan and Hollie had fallen asleep in the den in front of inappropriate TV programmes. India was livid and accused her mother of being disrespectful to them and their wishes. Some weeks later, Caro received a letter from her daughter cutting off all ties with them since they "could not be bothered to respect their wishes". Caro is gutted. India has always been difficult but she still loves her, though India fails to see that.
However, the business has been suffering recently and Fergus suggests hiring someone to manage it so he can get on with doing the hands-on work of redecorating the cottages. Enter Vicky her and dog Lionel.
Vicky is soon at home at Applefield Cottages, and although she says little, she is good at her job and it isn't long before Caro finds they cannot do without her.
When an investigator knocks at Caro's door one day looking for Vicky, bringing news she does not want to hear, Caro begins to see the cracks in Vicky's demeanour as the young woman breaks down and opens up to her. Soon the two women become fast friends and while both of them are mothers, both find themselves in a situation they can see no way out of.
THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN begins as Vicky's story but ends up Caro's as well. It is moving, it is tragic, it is heartbreaking, it is emotional. A story about life, love and loss. About motherhood and relationships. It is filled with raw emotion, devastation and heartbreak but by the end it is so heartwarming you will be left with an afterglow.
There were times I could have gladly slapped Vicky, but for the most part, I could understand where she was coming from as for much of my life I have felt like the odd one out or unwanted. So I could relate to how she was feeling...and although I didn't agree with her walking out on her son, I could totally get why she did. Had I been in her situation with a mother-in-law like that I probably would be tempted to do the same thing. Vicky had no self-esteem, no confidence and no real value of herself. Is it no wonder she could easily be manipulated?
The two people I could not stand the most were Barbara and India. Both were filled with a jealously so fierce though they reacted in vastly different ways. Sometimes I wondered how Vicky could not see through Barbara's subtleties...but then she had no self confidence and she trusted Barbara. And William? I could have gladly throttled him for being so indifferent and uncaring to Vicky's emotions. So what if he thought she was being over-the-top? His job was to protect her and Theo. He only served to drive a wedge between himself and Vicky.
I really loved the backdrop of Corfu and found myself wanting to stay there! But the story I really enjoyed was Caro's. I don't know...I think I found Caro an endearing and heartwarming character. I could feel myself enveloped in her arms and the love radiate from her...I don't know why her own daughter couldn't.
THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN has such heartwarming moments it made this book such a feel-good read, despite the heartbreak at the centre of both stories. Vicky may not have been entirely likable all of the time, she wasn't an emotional person and kept her feelings hidden, but she had a deep love for her son that she truly thought he would be better off without her. She had so much love but didn't know how to show it.
As Vicky's and Caro's stories intertwine, THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN draws us in from the first pages and keeps up engaged right up until the last, as we journey through tears and joys, regrets and heartbreak, loss and second chances.
I thoroughly enjoyed this journey and will not hesitate to take up another of Kerry Fisher's. I urge you to pick up a copy of THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN - you will not be disappointed.
I would like to thank #KerryFisher, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #TheMotherICouldHaveBeen in exchange for an honest review.
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