Spare by Prince Harry
Genre: Biography
Read: 14th March 2023
Published: 10th January 2023
★★★ 3 stars
DESCRIPTION:
It was one of the most searing images of the twentieth century: two young boys, two princes, walking behind their mother's coffin as the world watched in sorrow-and horror. As Princess Diana was laid to rest, billions wondered what Prince William and Prince Harry must be thinking and feeling-and how their lives would play out from that point on.
For Harry, this is that story at last.
Before losing his mother, twelve-year-old Prince Harry was known as the carefree one, the happy-go-lucky Spare to the more serious Heir. Grief changed everything. He struggled at school, struggled with anger, with loneliness-and, because he blamed the press for his mother's death, he struggled to accept life in the spotlight.
At twenty-one, he joined the British Army. The discipline gave him structure, and two combat tours made him a hero at home. But he soon felt more lost than ever, suffering from post-traumatic stress and prone to crippling panic attacks. Above all, he couldn't find true love.
Then he met Meghan. The world was swept away by the couple's cinematic romance and rejoiced in their fairy-tale wedding. But from the beginning, Harry and Meghan were preyed upon by the press, subjected to waves of abuse, racism, and lies. Watching his wife suffer, their safety and mental health at risk, Harry saw no other way to prevent the tragedy of history repeating itself but to flee his mother country. Over the centuries, leaving the Royal Family was an act few had dared. The last to try, in fact, had been his mother. . . .
For the first time, Prince Harry tells his own story, chronicling his journey with raw, unflinching honesty. A landmark publication, Spare is full of insight, revelation, self-examination, and hard-won wisdom about the eternal power of love over grief.
MY THOUGHTS:
"I remember feeling numb. I remember clenching my fists. I remember keeping a fraction of Willy always in the corner of my vision and drawing loads of strength from that.
Most of all, I remember the sounds, the clinking bridles and clopping of the six sweaty brown horses, the squeaking wheels of the gun carriage they were hauling. (A relic from the First World War, someone said, which seemed right, since Mummy, much as she loved peace, often seemed a soldier, whether she was warring against the paps or Pa.)
I believe I'll remember those few sounds for the rest of my life, because they were such a sharp contrast to the otherwise all-encompassing silence. There wasn't one engine, one lorry, one bird. There wasn't one human voice, which was impossible, because two million people lined the roads. The only hint that we were marching through a canyon of humanity was the occasional wail."
That excerpt is the most heart-wrenching and probably the most honest part of this book. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it for the most part but I also take what was said with a grain of salt, sadly. Because quite honestly, it reads like a massive dummy spit against his family.
From the opening pages, which were (I thought) almost poetic in their eloquent descriptions of the grounds surrounding Frogmore Cottage (which is anything but a cottage), Harry dives straight into his beef with William and his father...and yet he portrays himself as the victim offering the figurative olive branch when they claim to know nothing about why he's done what he's done. He portrays himself as the bigger man by offering them his hand to make peace with them and yet goes on to tell the world that they refuse to make that peace with him. And so he begins his tale of woe...
The book is divided into three parts: his childhood, the premature loss of his mother, his educational years particularly Eton; then his young adulthood and military career; and finally, his estrangement from the Royal Family and moving forward with Meghan. Honestly, I preferred the first part of the book with his military tirades a bit of a snorefest for me and then the Meghan years and beyond just leave me shaking my head. In the first part, which begins with his young innocence shattered at Balmoral with the death of his mother Princess Diana, I see glimpses of the Harry we all knew and loved. The little larrikin or, as he calls it, "the naughty one" which saw him getting himself into mischief but remaining loveable to us all throughout.
What surprised me was seeing his humour in those pages. Sadly, those are interspersed with the snide remarks made in the direction of his brother William, which I found the most surprising. I was shocked by how much blame he heaped on William throughout those years following their mother's death. He made him out to be a silent bully with Harry the one falling foul at every turn. And quite frankly, they were little nit-picking things that in the great scheme of things hardly matter...unless of course you are painting a picture of years of bullying at his hand, which undoubtedly he is. The boys lost their mother at the worst time of their lives - for William on the cusp of manhood but for Harry that awkward age in between childhood and adulthood. They should have drawn strength from each other but instead Harry now claims it was a battle he fought alone and in terrible denial. The most poignant part for me that had me weeping was the extract above, the description of the silent procession following their mother's coffin. I remember that silence. It was eerie. And if it is forever etched in my memory...I can only imagine it being forever etched in theirs. The funeral is the most honest part of the book, I feel. The rest is fairytale.
I know Harry is no literary master but he is an Etonian and from hearing his speech over the years, one would expect him to be somewhat eloquent with his words. But then, I guess his speeches are written for him. As is this book, with a ghostwriter who I'm sure could have finessed the choppy writing style to something a tad smoother. That is, it switches between eloquent and juvenile. Like the opening in Frogmore Cottage gardens after Prince Philip's funeral. But then he moves onto something akin to a child's journal. Some things are gleaned over as if in passing with no detail or dialogue. It's like a diary written in point form with commas and full stops in place of the points.
Almost from the beginning, no actually RIGHT from the beginning, it becomes clear why this memoir is titled SPARE. From the first pages, he milks that ideology about being the "spare" and living in the shadow of his brother, the heir. Of course, that would be a horrible thing to have to grow up with knowing that your existence is based on the fact that you're the replacement should something happen to your older sibling. And it would be enough to send most people into years of therapy. But Harry has always stated he never wants to be King, that he doesn't want that responsibility and that he's quite OK with that. So if he is then what's with the "spare" bit being bandied about at every turn. I can't quite believe that he was completely as "OK with it" as he said because this book kind of says otherwise. If anything, he has been remarkably resilient...until recent years.
There was one part he quoted his mother as having once said that "there were three people in this marriage" to which Harry responds...what about us? There were actually five, including William and him. But that is not entirely true because a marriage is between a couple NOT their children. Another point I found ironic was in reflection of his conversations with the Queen Mum and how he wished he had spent more time talking with her about her husband, King George VI, the war years and so forth. He credited her with her stoicness and resilience in stating that she loved Britain and would never leave and how he found that to be a beautiful thing. How ironic that that's exactly what he did. And I don't think he would have until...*cue eye roll*
The second part focused on his military career which was a snorefest for me. I'm not remotely interested in anything military or to do with war or what-have-you. I'm a pacifist and to read his bodycount of Taliban like a shopping list was shocking to say the least. He recalls them as being "chess pieces". I'm sorry but I know they were the enemy but they were still someone's loved ones. Someone's husband, father, son...just as he is. I just found it a little unnecessary to publicise how many of the Taliban he killed during his career. It's neither helpful nor necessary.
And then we come to the final part. The part I dreaded the most. Because it meant reading about Meghan, whom I loathe. There are just some people that rub you up the wrong way and Meghan is one of them. Her public ousting of issues with the Royal Family on Oprah...I mean, really? The Royal Family are notoriously private. And by going on international television to have a bitch and moan about hubby's family is in complete contrary to the respect she claims to have had for the Queen. That interview was a slap in the face and her dress quite honestly had me laughing all throughout as it looked like a seagull had flown over and pooped on her. LOL But I digress. A lot of what he claims in this final part is at odds with the Harry we all knew and loved as a larrikin youngster. He claims to love his brother dearly and yet stabs in the back within the same breath. Families are complicated entities at the best of times but the Royal Family are an incredibly public one that deals with their issues privately. Not going on TV or filming a docuseries or writing a book to air all the dirty laundry.
In all honesty, I have to say I spent most of my time within his formative years with the Harry we loved, skimming both his military and Meghan years. Both I found uninteresting, though admittedly curiosity got the better of me when I decided to give this book a try. Am I glad I did? I guess so. But it really doesn't do anything to endear him, or even Meghan for that matter, to me. For a couple who claimed to want their privacy, they seem to spend awful lot of time in the spotlight. And not just the tabloids, but a spotlight of their own making! He comes across as ironically and hypocritically turning into the same kind of tabloid people he loathes and despises. Making money out of a family drama he has created. They repeatedly ask for privacy but do everything to remain in the spotlight. This book merely confirms that he is grown man throwing a tantrum...one that wasn't even on the horizon until "that woman" entered the picture. Even his mother's former bodyguard cites "I have known him all his life. I don’t recognise the young man I see today. What I see now is an angry, petulant, privileged prince who is constantly blaming other people and not taking accountability on his part. Something fundamentally has changed in his life...and that change is Meghan." William, Kate and Harry got along perfectly well together before "she" came along. Now it's guns at dawn for both couples leaving William to bear the brunt of his wrath while Harry and Meghan floated off to the spotlight capital of the world - Hollywood - where they could remain out of the spotlight. PUULEAASSE!
I'm sorry, but I used to really like Harry. To coin a phrase, there was something about Harry. His cheekiness, his humour. It made him seem more like one of us, despite not being. He shared a similar humour to Prince Philip whose dry wit I adored. But now he is just a bitter angry little boy who's thrown his toys out of the playpen...and this book merely confirms that. And as for Meghan? Once an actress, always an actress...even a bad one. I just hope he realises this before it's too late...before he loses his family and everything he's ever loved to a woman who's narcissistic to the core.
Overall, SPARE is an interesting read. Harry and Meghan fans will undoubtedly love it. Royalists, however, may not. I'm glad I gave it a go but in the end, it wasn't for me and it just made me sadder than Diana would be heartbroken if she could see what has happened to her two boys that she loved so very much. That once again a woman has created a divide in her family.
At the end of this sad tale, I have come to believe that the real victim here is William. In the face of what must be heartbreaking for him, he remains poised and professional, just as his late grandmother the Queen always did, conducting himself with the utmost resilience and respectability, integrity and propriety. If only he could tell his story yet is restricted by protocol. The real victim here is not Harry, but William, and all that is expected of him and yet he endures it and accepts it with grace and humility. Harry just tosses his toys out of the playpen and spits the dummy, spouting "It was him!"
I honestly wish Harry all the best. But please, if you want your privacy, then go live your life. "Spare" us the details of your ongoing feud with your family, your grievances, your dirty laundry. Every family has issues. Every family has grievances. But most of us aren't making money out of them. Don't turn into what you're in danger of becoming...what she's turning you into. Be Harry, not Meghan's version of Harry. But the Harry Diana wanted you to be. And please..."spare" us anymore of this.
MEET THE AUTHOR:
Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex, is a husband, father, humanitarian, military veteran, mental wellness advocate, and environmentalist. He resides in Santa Barbara, California, with his family and three dogs.
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