If I Can't Have You by Charlotte Levin
Genre: Psychological thriller, Literary fiction
Read: 10th May 2021
Published: 9th July 2020
★★★ 3 stars
DESCRIPTION:
What if the problem with your love life is you?
If I Can't Have You by Charlotte Levin is an all-consuming novel about loneliness, obsession and how far we go for the ones we love.
Samuel, the day we met I knew I’d finally found what I’ve been waiting for.
You.
Happiness, at last.
Then you left me.
And now I am alone.
Everyone I love leaves in the end.
But not this time.
I’m not giving up on us.
I’m not giving up on you.
When you love someone, you never let them go.
That’s why for me, this is just beginning.
MY REVIEW:
What happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back? Do you accept it and move on? Or do you become consumed, obsessed and a little batty?
This story is about Constance Little.
This is her love story.
Only...this isn't the way it was supposed to end.
Clad in a meringue of taffeta, tulle and blood, Constance steps onto the underground in somewhat of a daze. As the reader we are instantly drawn into her world and what happened to leave her sandwiched between a hipster and a mother with her child in a bridal gown on a train. The child was in awe of Constance's attire exclaiming "Look at the princess, mummy!" whilst pawing the rustling fabric as other passengers possibly declared her somewhat insane. In that moment, we feel her pain despite not yet knowing what it is. Has she been jilted? Or is she a runaway bride?
But the truth is much stranger than fiction; far darker and twisted than anyone could possibly imagine. Including Constance herself.
Working as a receptionist for a doctors surgery in affluent Kensington, Constance falls in love with Dr Samuel Stevens the moment she sets eyes on him. Brought in to fill the gap a deceased doctor has left behind, Samuel arrives with his smiles and self-importance. Despite this Constance sees only attraction and is immediately infatuated with him, finding any excuse she can to be alone with him. Soon her every thought is consumed with him particularly when her advances are reciprocated and Constance believes their stolen moments to be true love.
But when Samuel ends their brief affair in a cruel and insensitive manner, Constance is devastated that what she believed to be genuine was just a bit of fun for him. It is then that the emotional wounds of her past turn her infatuation into a dangerous obsession, as she goes all Glenn Close, stalking him and watching him in an attempt to feel closer to him. But how far will she go to win him back?
However Samuel's sense of entitlement, self-importance and arrogance as well as his inability to see the depth of his treatment of not only Constance, but women in general, speaks volumes as to the type of man he is. Why is it that these are the men who attract the most vulnerable kind of woman? They fall for his charm, his smile, the way he makes them laugh all without seeing that he is really laughing at them not with them. He comes from a world of entitlement and privilege and is used to getting what he wants and then justifying his disgraceful actions by accusing women of being sulky and clingy who dare to mistake sexual intimacy as a relationship when all he is really after is a good time.
But just as Samuel is a master manipulator, so is Constance. She wangles her way into the bereaved and lonely Edward's life purely for her own gain as well as clinging to her creepy flatmate Dale just so he wouldn't leave her...even though she never really wanted him in the first place. Alongside her flashbacks to her childhood memories, it brings to light just how lonely Constance is and how affected she is by the mistakes of the past and/or the sins of her father, or even mother, as the case may be. Granted, she is still grieving after the death of her mother, and grief can sometimes make people do the strangest things. In Constance's case, in her view everyone she loves leaves her...and that appears to be her greatest fear which she tries to control through various unsuccessful attempts.
This psychological thriller is a darkly twisted tale of love and obsession written in the form of a detailed letter from Constance to Samuel, the object of her desire, and is a twisted blend of "Fatal Attraction" and "Gone Girl". I couldn't help but feel sorry for Constance even if she was a tad psycho. It was Samuel and Dale that I loathed the most...and I had to question who was the most twisted one of them all?
On the one hand, you sympathise with Constance while on the other you dislike her intensely. She does come across as needy and clingy but then again, you have the inside scoop as to why she acts the way she does, so does that make it excusable or just understandable? Half the time I couldn't decide whether I liked or hated her but somehow I still found myself rooting for her. I guess I wanted to see Samuel get his comeuppance, because really the man was deplorable. And Dale? He was just uber creepy. I did not like him from the start. How Constance couldn't see through him is beyond me. His pointed comment about those who are so obsessed with who they are watching often are oblivious as to who may be watching them (or words to that effect)...was just super creepy.
My favourite character would have to be the irascible Edward. And his inscription in the copy of "Wuthering Heights" he gave to Constance for her birthday brought tears to my eyes...
IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU is sinister, creepy and, in some ways, addictive. Its tense and compulsive narration gives the reader a sense of claustrophobia. The characters are impulsive, vulnerable and mostly unlikeable. While the plot itself is quite cleverly written as one long detailed letter that provides a slow burn build of tension culminating to an ugly end, it did drag a little in places but the concept itself was genius.
In some ways IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU was too literary for me as I prefer my thrillers to be rollercoaster rides of explosive twists and excitement. I guess a lot of this book missed the mark with me as I felt it was meant to be more of an exploration of sorts...into what, I'm not sure. But I can still appreciate part of the idea if not the entire concept.
Different but relatively enjoyable, IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU is the literary cross of "Fatal Attraction" and "Gone Girl" that is truly imaginative and compelling. Recommended though it may not be for all.
I would like to thank #CharlotteLevin, #Netgalley and #PanMacmillan for an ARC of #IfICantHaveYou in exchange for an honest review.
MEET THE AUTHOR:
As a young girl she had set her heart on acting and would write short little plays so that she could give herself the main part. It was something that stuck with her throughout her formative years and it was still with her when, as a twenty-something, she attended an acting course at the Royal Court Theatre in London.
Like many a northerner, Charlotte, who was born in Blackpool but lived in Salford from the age of one, had decided to take the plunge and experience life in the nation’s capital.
Aged nineteen she made the journey south to see what was there. It took her to the Royal Court Theatre where she wrote a scene for the end of the acting course’s showcase. A quiet word from the creative director to Charlotte’s tutor left her in no doubt that she had to carry on with her writing. And she has.
Her first novel, If I Can’t Have You, now adorns the bookshelves worldwide. She is currently working on her second novel.
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